The dwelling of a thoughtless teenager
Thursday, March 23, 2006
some sorrowI guess I"ll up date while I can. A lot has happened over the course of 5 days. Lots of sorrow arguments and punishment. I only wish it wouldn't have become this bad. I guess it finally caught up to me, all my bad habits. I have to apologize to a couple other people before I can make my next move.Which I'm not sure what that would be.
Lots of trust needs to be earned back by me. I pretty much destroyed whatever was left.I hate it whenever I end up hurting good people that don't deserve it.I don't know how many times I want to apologize to a certain person before I feel forgive. Why do I feel like I committed a crime?I never want to hurt her again.I promise that I never will either.I promised to become a better person.To drop old habits and make them memories. I know I can change the horrible person inside me but I feel like I will be changing who I am. I already gave up so many other bad habits and haven't looked back on them.Those were easy to destroy though and I had a good reason to get rid of them. I guess I had someone who cared about who I was,what I did and never saw me as someone whom they didn't care what they did to themselves. I know I have someone that cared about my well being and in return I did nothing to change my habits.Now,it cost me a lot and cost them great pain. I never ment for it to happen.I dont want to ever have to listen to the emotions that went on the past couple of days.I will make it up to everyone in the end.I'll make it up to her especially.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
NIN, Johnny Cash, and Sevendust"Hurt"
I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
[Chorus:]What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here
[Chorus:]What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
| KREYTON | ||
|---|---|---|
| K | is for | Kinky |
| R | is for | Revolutionary |
| E | is for | Earthy |
| Y | is for | Yummy |
| T | is for | Terrific |
| O | is for | Overwhelming |
| N | is for | Natural |
Monday, March 13, 2006
Band and Showers?Hmm...Ok, I just got out of the shower like ten mins ago and was thinking about next years marching season! I dont know so dont ask me. Next year is going to be a non-state year and I already know everybody has the same mindset as this years. Mrs E. in charge....Non-state year...Lets just goof off in practice more. That is the mind set of a non dedicated band member. This is the mind set of a dedicated band member.Mrs E. in charge....everyone goofing off!.....lets conform with them and goof off! Now this is the mind set of a pissed off actual dedicated musician! Mrs E . in charge!crap!Please let Mrs Cook direct! I hat this band! Why cant these ignorant people just quit and leave the work to the people that want to be there!......
Notice a diffrence?
This is really sad.
I really want to be drum major next year but I dont want to be the one everbody hates becasue I'm making them work and keeping them quiet.
I would really like some advice from some current or former Howe Band kids. If any of them read this.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
We came...We slaughtered...We ate...We complained....We are number 1 in State!Hey I'm back from Shreveport! We,Plano East, ended up beating both the teams we played!
Capt. Shreve: we beat them 9-6. I had about 15 + saves!Great game for me. A couple of there "awesome shooters",according to the scouting report, were extremely pissed at me. I had this amazing save! I stuffed a shooter on the crease and it bounced back out of my stick and he, the shooter, ended up snagging the ball out of the air! I was thinking " Mother of god I thought...Here it comes." He was only 1 foot away from me this whole time. He shot the ball back between my legs and out of desperation I threw my stick behind my back and between my legs and saved it only a few inches from the goal-line!
Loyola: Beat them 12-4 and I had 19 saves!I have nothing to say about this game....I can say I assisted the other team though....How sad.....I have an assist in the record books for the other team so... if you scratch the goal from that and 2 others from a person who had an illegal stick then the score would have been 12-1.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
A Little Post About NothingWell, this week cant go by any slower.I have been sick with some unknown disease and its finally decided to go away. For some reason I have been in this really depressed state and want to get out of it. I don't know why I'm so depressed!It could be the constant fear of college looming over me,my parents approval,Leah not being by my side and school. Whatever reason it is it needs to go away and become nothing more. I really don't know what else to write right now. I'm about to go and help out with building something for someone.
I'm supposed to be getting an interview with a laser tag place sometime this week. I hope I get the job but don't want to be any busier than I already am. I want to see my girl everyday but I only get to see her maybe 2-3 times a week and it really sucks.
I think that's the reason for my depressive state. I don't get to see Leah enough. She said the other day that spring is going to be very hard to see each other. She even went as far to look ahead into the Saturdays for when we can just spend a weekend together. Its not going to happen till May unfortunately. I told her last night " maybe this is a test..." is this really a test if so what of? A test of our love for each other?
We can only sit and talk on the phone for the duration of the time. This is what are relationship is centered around...A voice through a piece of machinery that sets a barrier between our voices and touch. I hate it. I don't want to always be on the phone with her. It should be the other way around. I should be seeing her atleast 23 hours a day and spend the rest sleeping. I shouldn't have to use the phone to talk to her. I should be able to walk next door and ask for her to come outside and chat with me.
I look back now as I'm reading this and notice that I'm just complaining. There are worse things in the world right now.People see this and wonder if I'm just this emotional little kid. I guess I am on the inside. Outside I barley express my feelings. I just keep them bottled up. I guess that's why I have a little anger problem. I wish I didn't though.
I don't know what else to complain about so ill just quit typing now.
Monday, March 06, 2006
Rable!Rable!
I'm not sure if anyone knew that we beat Hillcrest the other night ina spectacular game of lacrosse. The finall score was 9-8. With this victory we managed to move up to the #5 slot in the state ratings.This week we get to play agaisnt the Shreveport teams! This should be a sweet couple of games considering we finally get to play Capt. Shreve (this is such a retarded name to call a town). If we are to win this game we will be unchallenged for the rest of the season, all the way up to the state tournement. Which brings me to my next issue. Leah's prom falls on May 6th. State Lacrosse Tournement falls on May 6th................This really sucks. There is nothing I can do to change what is ahead of me. There is a really good chance that East will be going to the state tournement again. If we do succeed in going I hurt Leah and not be able to take her , in her beautiful dress, to one of the biggest days of her life. There is that chance that I can still go to the prom but I dont want to let my team down and throw a game or something. I have a couple months though and alot can happen from here till then.
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Spring Break BeginsWell, its about time spring break got here. School wasn't making me to happy even though I'm doing better in it. I guess its just the pressure of getting into college looming over me every day.I don't like it at all. Straight "A" students have it easy. They have all the colleges looking at them and asking them to come to there university, while people who aren't "like" them get marine recruiters and naval letters sent to there house. "Serve our country" is all they say. I don't want to join the military anymore. I want to go to a college and come out with my dream job and not end up in an apartment for the rest of my life."A" students have it all made they don't seem to have to try hard at all and there good at everything academically and its not fair what's so ever. Some say God has a plan for us. I want to see what he has planned for me. I want to know what is in the future for me. Am I in for a rough life,easy life, financial problems,divorce,homeless,jobless....What does he have waiting for me at the end. Will I be a millionaire,band director,college/pro lacrosse player,husband,father....Who know what is waiting for me at the end. All I can do is ride this crazy life and enjoy every bit of it.
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Thrice- Red SkyI know what lies beneath, I've seen the flash of teeth.
Conspiring with the reef to sink our ship.
The wind's a cheating wife, her tongue a thirsty knife.
And she could take your life with one good kiss.
Can you see the sky turn red?
As morning's light breaks over me,
Know tonight we'll make our bed
at the bottom of the sea.
I know the ocean speaks, I've heard her call to me.
And smiling in my dreams she whispers this
(The stars retreat behind their veil.
The clouds are clinging to your sail.
The storm is coming can you see?)
Look and see the sky turn red.
Like blood it covers over me.
And soon the sea shall give up her dead.
We'll raise an empire from the bottom of the sea
About This Blog
Name::Caboose
From::Howe, Texas, United States
Well I'm a pretty easy going person.I love excitement.I can listen to music all day.I enjoy being around my friends and ppl I love. I love creating chaos!
View my complete profile
About Me
Name::Caboose
From::Howe, Texas, United States
Well I'm a pretty easy going person.I love excitement.I can listen to music all day.I enjoy being around my friends and ppl I love. I love creating chaos!
View my complete profile
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