The dwelling of a thoughtless teenager

Monday, May 08, 2006

B.Y.O.T.

Today has been one of those days when you feel like the whole family is against you. This morning I was grounded for hitting Shelton today. Why? Because he deserved it. I was finally fed up with all the B/S that he puts me through everyday,while my parents watch and listen to the crap he says and does to me. I don't get it still. How come I can can call him stupid and get grounded but it takes a couple weeks,months and years of constant torment for me to finally snap and he finally gets grounded and as do I. Why? Would someone please explain life to me! I don't know why I am such a bad child,person,and son. Why is that I do one little thing and I'm suddenly a criminal! It feels like I have to impress and live up to everyone's expectations. Why does everyone think highly of me and expects great things out of me. I have good grades in school. I'm an excellent lacrosse player and trombone. I have a wonderful and caring G/F.I don't do drugs or drink alcohol. I hang out with a good crowd.I'm kind to people. I care for my family and friends.I'm a Christian, although I may not be a perfect one but I am one. Why is though when I don't turn in a math assignment or come home 5 mins. Late that I turn into a serial killer! Why doesn't some one listen to me for once and look at my feelings and point of view for once. I feel as if I am just being ignored everyday. I come home with better grades all the time and NO ONE says "good job kreyton, I'm so proud of you!" All I get commended for is lacrosse. Maybe I don't want to be commened for lacrosse. Maybe I would like to be patted on the back for my good grades and other acclomplishments. But no, I come home with a good report card and there like "oh its good that you passed..." Why cant for once they notice the staight "A's"(except algebra) and say I'm so proud of you for doing so well. They expect so much out of me and I cant give it to them. They want me to be more like a genius other than what I really am. I feel as if I constantly fail everyone around me. My parents,friends,family,Leah. Its been drilled into my head that I cant change and cant do anything to please my parents. I take that into life now and think that everyone only cares about what crime I have committed. My parents only see the horrible person I am and not the loving, caring, artistic, athletic,beautiful,talented, intelligent person I have become. They think I don't care for this family anymore and that I don't care about anyone but my self. That's not true at all. But they just beat it into me and tell me that all I care about is myself and Leah. THAT'S NOT TRUE!Ok , I think I have typed all I can for tonight.I have a lot more thinking and improvement to do for my parents. Later.

Color of Sorrow-Give Up

I lie here starring at the ceiling
In my cold and frozen coffin
Shadows of my past memories
Are they happy or upsetting
Do I love them or hate them

Fall down into my dreams
Watch them become nightmares
I wish I could let go
Why don't you just let me go!

The bottle falls to the floor
A distant breaking of glass fills my head
I hear her sweet voice
I feel her soft lips on mine

Fall down into my dreams
Watch them become nightmares
I wish I could let go
Just let me give up!

My hands become numb
I cant hold on much longer
My memories swirls
You never gave up on me
But I gave up up on myself

Please don't cry!
Let me know!
Before I die!

Posted by Caboose :: 6:06 PM :: 0 Comments:

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